FLABBERGASTED by the #Metoo movement

Maybe it’s because I grew up on the mean streets of Brooklyn or that I have been dodging molesters since I could walk, but I just don't understand the reaction of many women to sexual harassment. The shock and surprise surprises me.

For me, when I meet a guy I think "potential rapist," and he has to work from there to convince me that he is a human worth talking to (unfortunately, many don't). With statistics telling us that one out of six women has been raped, how can any sane women who wants to stay that way trust a man they do not know? 

Why are we shocked when a woman says a guy did something inappropriate? Yes, many men do not-- hopefully they are our family members and our friends--but strange men are strange men, and we should not give them the respect of believing they are decent human beings these days until they prove they are.

Believing a man is guilty before being innocent might save us some grief. A suit, money and power on a man may be attractive, but they do not mean he is a gentleman and may mean he feels comfortable enough with his wealth and power to do anything he would like to a woman. 

How is this a face to trust?

We live in a time when men call women "hos," "bitches," and "cunts." Women's bodies are draped in ads everywhere in sexual positions to reinforce the idea that we are walking vaginas there for men's usage, not people with feelings and needs and brains. We are hardly depicted as sisters, daughters or friends.

Our whole culture tells men to be aggressive, never to take no for an answer, to go after what they want with both hands. This is the opposite of what women need to feel safe. We need men with self-control, but our culture is telling them "more, more, more," "don't stop," "'no' doesn't really mean 'no', it means you haven't tried hard enough yet."  This doesn’t just apply to women but to things like pursuing success or a promotion.

This how we imagine the beginnings of  male/female relations

My solution? I don't know (maybe... always have a recording device on you?). My only piece of advice is never let a strange man surprise you. For me, when a man does something inappropriate I am not surprised. When I was a girl, I used to be surprised. I used to freeze. So much self-doubt crap went through my head. Can I take him? Will anyone believe me if I scream? What if he blames me? What if he says I wanted it? What if he tells people and I lose my job? Maybe I'm overeacting... Blah Blah Blah. By the time I could react he'd already groped me and left. Now, I'm not surprised. I know now that my self-respect is more important than anything because I have to sleep with me after him, and I am not going to have regrets, not going to have nightmares about him for the rest of my life, or change my hair, or gain weight, or live in fear.  That is why I always respond. I try never to get stuck like a deer in the headlights. I always move. I act in whatever way I feel is appropriate. I have an escape plan. I laugh it off, I move his hand, I say 'no'! and speak up, I scream, I lie, I punch or kick. Recently I only look him in the eye and let him know he has messed with the wrong woman. Then I rise, like Maya Angelou said we should, and leave. I suggest we all learn how to rise.

If you think this is about blaming the victim, that's in your brain and has nothing to do with what I wrote. I know we all get victimized. That is life. It’s naive to believe that we’re getting out of this world without some scars. To fall down is not avoidable, to not learn from falling down is. 

Share and help arm another woman if you agree.